diff --git a/voussoir.net/app/app.html b/voussoir.net/app/app.html index 21fb1f3..6adfec4 100644 --- a/voussoir.net/app/app.html +++ b/voussoir.net/app/app.html @@ -248,13 +248,16 @@ body const REVIEWS = [ {"author": "AAAAAAAAAAH", "rating": "AAAAH", "text": "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod"}, {"author": "Bones", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "I could have sworn my bones were intact before downloading this app."}, + {"author": "Bort", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "This app renamed all my contacts to Bort! Not before uploading them to the cloud I'm sure. Furious."}, {"author": "bro_lol", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "😂😂😂😂😂😂😂"}, {"author": "CameroonFive", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Didn't work at first, but after enabling camera, mic, location, calendar, contacts, and sms everything was o.k."}, {"author": "crypticpicnic", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "This app drains my battery SUPER fast. Something to do with the selfie camera being always on?"}, {"author": "cynthia", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "Good food! Lettuce didn't even taste funny"}, {"author": "dev12344", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "pls accept my pull request i will get free t-shirt. PLsss request"}, {"author": "doubleplusbass", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "I had no idea my speakers could get that loud. RIP Spotty."}, + {"author": "entelligent", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "Finally, a social network that truly values my intellect. I have found my people! All the cats are quite hirsute."}, {"author": "fairuza_yass", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "Tried to join the witchcraft & potionmaking community but everyone there is just talking about drugs."}, + {"author": "forgetful", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "This app helpfully reminds me of my social security number and credit card number right when I need them! Not sure how it knows them, though."}, {"author": "goody2shoe", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "I wanted to write a letter to my congressperson but the app keeps replacing all my words with MEMEMEME like what even is this?"}, {"author": "greatlyindecent", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Looks like it was made by a five year old so by that metric it's pretty good."}, {"author": "hothothot", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "For some reason this app turned on my phone's flashlight and wouldn't let me turn it off. Burned a hole in my couch."}, @@ -265,14 +268,16 @@ const REVIEWS = [ {"author": "littlenewwave", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Better than tiktok but i guess that's not saying very much"}, {"author": "michael", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "My parole officer says this is the closest I'm allowed to get to youth."}, {"author": "mightybonk", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "This app physically broke my screen. If I could give zero stars I would."}, + {"author": "picklerick1", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "where do download rick morty mp4"}, {"author": "robocop9000", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "this app requires 3.4 GB storage and does what with it? I can't find a single feature at all. It's just pulsating text. Did I get pranked?"}, {"author": "rodney1925", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "GRANDSON TELLS ME CAPITAL LETTERS ARE IMPOLITE... BUT CANT TURN OFF... OTHERWISE OK"}, {"author": "shipshopper", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "The search feature is consistently terrible. The 'promoted' items always appear on top even when they don't match my search."}, {"author": "slayerZ", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "played for 1,497 hours and then got bored. needs better balance and more drops."}, {"author": "slimshadyy", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "My antivirus reports over 50 trojans, 10 keyloggers, and a whole lot of poor taste."}, - {"author": "smartphonedumbphone", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "I was able to use it but the top notch takes up like half the screen so it was kind of difficult"}, + {"author": "smartphonedumbphone", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "I was able to use it but the notch takes up like half the screen so it was kind of difficult"}, {"author": "smashmaster", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "I really wanted to love this app, but I think it might be the reason I'm so miserable. As a result I can only give it four stars."}, {"author": "sometimes_enlightened", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "I have seen the future and it is yellow."}, + {"author": "spurious_specs", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "This app made me get a ticket while driving because I couldn't keep my eyes off the screen! It's so addicting."}, {"author": "stingyjimmy", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "I know you're just trying to make a living and all but $87 a month is pretty steep."}, {"author": "techprowriter", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "Overall nice app. Read my full review at techprowriter.io."}, {"author": "TheKritik", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "You somehow took everything that's wrong with the world and put it all in one place. In a way, that's incredible."}, @@ -281,6 +286,7 @@ const REVIEWS = [ {"author": "vcmoney", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "voussoir.app could very well be the next Facebook! Get in touch with me if you want to increase your growth opportunities and add more telemetry."}, {"author": "very_smart_guy", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "pretty sure it's a bitcoin miner."}, {"author": "wall_eve", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "This app crashed my phone so hard I had to microwave the battery to restart it."}, + {"author": "whistleblew", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "This app is almost certainly in violation of the GPL and the Geneva Conventions."}, {"author": "xninjax", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Never in my life have I had the displeasure of using an app as bad as this one."}, ]; let REVIEW_INDEX = 0; diff --git a/voussoir.net/index.html b/voussoir.net/index.html index 8e94b2d..80f2eac 100644 --- a/voussoir.net/index.html +++ b/voussoir.net/index.html @@ -497,10 +497,12 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "abduct me, vegans", "activated my trap card", "all that was lost is revealed", + "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy", "always lays down plastic first", "always locks the front door", "always looks both ways", "always takes the third part last", + "and as always, thanks for watching", "answers to the name bruce", "anyway, i love you", "are you listening with all your heart and soul?", @@ -515,10 +517,12 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "but first you gotta tell me what it is you're hungry for", "can be measured in kilobytes", "can be read while underwater", + "can be spotted only from a distance", "can be viewed upside-down", "can complain about almost anything", "can i ask you kind of a weird question?", "can point to the usa on a map", + "can we have your liver then?", "can't believe you've done this", "cast vicariously as both victim and villain", "chesthair upholstery and a beard in the glovebox", @@ -526,10 +530,12 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "conductor we have a problem", "considers the lobster", "consists of macroblocks and motion vectors", + "contributes to openstreetmap", "cool guy has a chill day", "could have sworn it was a lovers' quarrel", "dehumanize yourself and face to bloodshed", "developers developers developers developers", + "did i mention the drive-thru?", "do i get my four years back?", "do i look like i know what a jpeg is?", "do they still shoot tourists in florida?", @@ -537,12 +543,15 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "doesn't afraid of anything", "doesn't always write docstrings", "doesn't like being in the chokey", + "doesn't live in the basement", "doesn't need a cookie banner", "doesn't really wanna do the work today", "doesn't smoke beer", + "doesn't start the story with sirens blaring", + "doesn't watch sports", + "doesn't wear cargo shorts", "don't bernie me", "don't push, the train is moving forward", - "don't start the story with sirens blaring", "don't you want to become a cult leader?", "doth protest too much, methinks", "double-wrapped, vacuum-packed", @@ -553,11 +562,13 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "est arrivé près de chez vous", "even ezekial thinks that my mind is gone", "evi: 11.1.89 22:30h", + "exists in three dimensions", "exploiting every loophole, dodging every obstacle", "guided towards a more fantastic species of research", "han shot first", "has a tendency to misinterpret subtle social confrontations", "has been modified from its original version to fit your screen", + "has never pulled the fire alarm", "has not received any subpoenas", "has that combination on my luggage", "have you got anything that affects faces?", @@ -566,8 +577,10 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "holster it in the tilde fashion for your protection", "i bind you nancy from doing harm", "i embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses", + "i need some shoes, manny", "i suppose there's time for dessert", "i'm afraid my beard has spoken. we have no choice", + "i'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo", "if dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?", "if you don't watch yourself, who will?", "is a little overbearing", @@ -585,19 +598,25 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "is extremely dangerous to our democracy", "is gnot a gnelf", "is human like the rest of them", + "is just as the prophecy foretold", "is just one stop on the information superhighway", "is legal in most jurisdictions", + "is less resilient than a tardigrade", "is lined up to watch that movie, maid in manhattan", "is never gonna run around and desert you", "is not a crazed gunman, dad", + "is not a pod person from the planet mars", "is not a sense offender", "is not a significant source of protein", - "is not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo", + "is not as good as sqlite", "is not as good as zombocom", "is not concealing any state or military secrets", + "is not entirely divinely inspired", "is not obfuscated", + "is not questioning your powers of observation", "is not sponsored", - "is not suitable for sad onions", + "is not suitable for 0-3 sad onions", + "is not the spawn of satan", "is not what is said of that thing", "is obviously biased", "is on the fastest available route", @@ -605,16 +624,19 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "is only as strong as the weakest link", "is over our heads in a million pieces", "is produced by the modial interaction of magnetoreluctance", + "is sick of car dependency", "is sitting in a room different from the one you are in now", "is stimulating my thinker", "is subject to the frequency illusion", + "is the product of several minutes of hard work", "is wasting your processor cycles", "is worth a lot of money", "it goes it goes it goes it goes", "it is good day to be not dead", "it's all right here at your fingertips", - "it's evident that speeds's tangential to that time-position curve", + "it's evident that speed's tangential to that time-position curve", "it's the perfect place for an accident", + "keeps windows update permanently disabled", "keikaku means plan", "kept hidden for almost two decades and forced to bear children", "klaatu barada nikto", @@ -634,7 +656,8 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "may be a figment of your imagination", "means you no harm", "might look better without this pulsating text", - "needs some shoes, manny", + "might not fit on a floppy disk", + "might overstay its welcome", "never pipes curl to bash", "never transcodes lossy to lossy", "no one can win the game but me. that's how the game works", @@ -663,7 +686,9 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "prefers subs over dubs", "prefers the despecialized editions", "prefers the director's cut", + "prefers to breathe air", "prefers to install from f-droid", + "presses wm1", "put on these glasses or start eating that trash can", "read it for yourself in this photostatic copy", "recognizes taiwan's sovereignty", @@ -672,6 +697,7 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "ring the 0x07 for concierge service", "runs away in a straight line", "seeks enlightenment and free lodging", + "selling knives and insurance from door to door", "sometimes behaves so strangely", "spent way too much time on these splash texts", "still uses rss", @@ -688,6 +714,7 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "the menace must remain phantom", "the water is extracted for use in rivers", "the waves part and they engulf me and the water is warm", + "the word itself makes some men uncomfortable", "they have ordered you to die, gi", "this ain't my first rodéo", "this is the name that you never will guess", @@ -707,10 +734,13 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "was pulled from 100,000 year old antarctic ice", "watches for the plot", "we can't really enforce the curfew as there is no light or sound", + "we're not bop-bipping the boop-beeps here, just boppin'", "we're not savages, we're english", "what do you burn apart from witches?", "what was done to me was monstrous...", + "what's up with all the sauerkraut?", "why build one when you can have two at twice the price?", + "will accept your donations", "will create a gooey interface using visual basic", "will find your ip with tracer-t", "will go to the moon and do the other things", @@ -721,6 +751,9 @@ const SPLASHES = [ "will order you some gâteau aux poivres", "withdraws some parts of physical form from consideration", "without even a last desperate warning", + "won't scan your computer for pictures of children", + "won't send you spam", + "won't steal packages off your doorstep", "works in mergers and acquisitions", "would rather be on the moon", "wouldn't copy that floppy",