Add view_in_app.md, app.html.
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<!DOCTYPE html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<title>voussoir.app</title>
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<link rel="shortcut icon" href="favicon.png" type="image/png"/>
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<meta charset="UTF-8">
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/>
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<style>
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:root
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{
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--color_background: #0e0e0d;
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--color_text_primary: #ccc;
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--color_text_highlight: #efcc2b;
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--color_inlinecodebg: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.15);
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}
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*
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{
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font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;
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color: var(--color_text_primary);
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word-break: break-word;
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}
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html
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{
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box-sizing: border-box;
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}
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*, *:before, *:after { box-sizing: inherit; }
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body
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{
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background-color: var(--color_background);
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margin: 0;
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display: grid;
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grid-auto-rows: max-content;
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grid-row-gap: 8px;
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justify-content: center;
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height: 450px;
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}
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#headline
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{
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height: 250px;
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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justify-content: center;
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}
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#headline *
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{
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color: var(--color_text_highlight);
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font-family: serif;
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margin-bottom: 0px;
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margin-top: 0px;
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}
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#headline_l1,
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#headline_splash
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{
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display: inline-block;
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font-style: italic;
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transform: rotate(-15deg);
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text-align: center;
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}
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#headline_l1
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{
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font-size: 5em;
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}
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#headline_splash
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{
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font-size: 1.5em;
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animation-name: splash_pulsate;
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animation-duration: 0.5s;
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animation-iteration-count: infinite;
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}
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#reviews
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{
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position: fixed;
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top: 250px;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: row;
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justify-content: center;
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gap: 20px;
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height: 150px;
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}
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#dummy_to_help_centering,
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#reviews .review
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{
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width: 300px;
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min-width: 300px;
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}
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#reviews .review
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{
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display: flex;
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flex-direction: column;
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align-items: flex-start;
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border: 1px solid var(--color_text_primary);
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border-radius: 8px;
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padding: 8px;
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overflow: hidden;
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}
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#reviews p
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{
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margin: 0;
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}
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#reviews .text
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{
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flex: 1;
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}
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.review .rating
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{
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color: var(--color_text_highlight);
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}
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#masks
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{
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position: fixed;
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top: 225px;
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left: 0;
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right: 0;
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height: 200px;
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display: grid;
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grid-template:
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"previous grad1 gap grad2 upcoming" 1fr/
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1fr minmax(0, 50px) 350px minmax(0, 50px) 1fr;
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}
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#masks
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{
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pointer-events: none;
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}
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#previous_mask,
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#upcoming_mask
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{
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background-color: var(--color_background);
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}
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#previous_grad
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{
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background-image: linear-gradient(to right, var(--color_background), rgba(0, 0, 0, 0));
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}
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#upcoming_grad
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{
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background-image: linear-gradient(to right, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0), var(--color_background));
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}
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@keyframes splash_pulsate
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{
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0% { transform: rotate(-15deg) scale(1.00); }
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50% { transform: rotate(-15deg) scale(0.98); }
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100% { transform: rotate(-15deg) scale(1.00); }
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}
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@keyframes review_slide
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{
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from
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{
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transform: translate(0, 0);
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}
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to
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{
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/* Must be div width + flex gap */
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transform: translate(-320px, 0);
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}
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}
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@keyframes fade_in
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{
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0%
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{
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opacity: 0%;
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}
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50%
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{
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opacity: 0%;
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}
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100%
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{
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opacity: 100%;
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}
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}
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#reviews > *.review_slide
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{
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animation-name: review_slide;
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animation-duration: 0.5s;
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animation-fill-mode: forwards;
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animation-iteration-count: 1;
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}
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#reviews > *.fade_in
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{
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animation-name: fade_in;
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animation-duration: 1s;
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animation-fill-mode: forwards;
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animation-iteration-count: 1;
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}
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@media screen and (min-width: 500px)
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{
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:root
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{
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--wide: 1;
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}
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#headline { line-height: 3.25em; }
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#headline_l1 { font-size: 5.0em; }
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#headline_splash { font-size: 1.5em; }
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}
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@media screen and (max-width: 500px)
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{
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:root
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{
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--narrow: 1;
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}
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#headline { line-height: 2.25em; }
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#headline_l1 { font-size: 3em; }
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#headline_splash { font-size: 1.25em; }
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}
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</style>
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</head>
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<body>
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<section id="headline">
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<h1 id="headline_l1">voussoir.app</h1>
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<div id="headline_splash">the app you knew you never wanted</div>
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</section>
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<section id="reviews">
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<div id="dummy_to_help_centering"></div>
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<div id="previous_review" class="review"><p class="text"></p><p class="rating"></p><p class="author"></p></div>
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<div id="current_review" class="review"><p class="text"></p><p class="rating"></p><p class="author"></p></div>
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<div id="upcoming_review" class="review"><p class="text"></p><p class="rating"></p><p class="author"></p></div>
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<div id="upcoming2_review" class="review"><p class="text"></p><p class="rating"></p><p class="author"></p></div>
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<div id="masks">
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<div id="previous_mask"></div>
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<div id="previous_grad"></div>
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<div id="mask_gap"></div>
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<div id="upcoming_grad"></div>
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<div id="upcoming_mask"></div>
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</div>
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</section>
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</body>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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const REVIEWS = [
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{"author": "AAAAAAAAAAH", "rating": "AAAAH", "text": "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod"},
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{"author": "Bones", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "I could have sworn my bones were intact before downloading this app."},
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{"author": "bro_lol", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "😂😂😂😂😂😂😂"},
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{"author": "CameroonFive", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Didn't work at first, but after enabling camera, mic, location, calendar, contacts, and sms everything was o.k."},
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{"author": "crypticpicnic", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "This app drains my battery SUPER fast. Something to do with the selfie camera being always on?"},
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{"author": "cynthia", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "Good food! Lettuce didn't even taste funny"},
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{"author": "dev12344", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "pls accept my pull request i will get free t-shirt. PLsss request"},
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{"author": "doubleplusbass", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "I had no idea my speakers could get that loud. RIP Spotty."},
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{"author": "fairuza_yass", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "Tried to join the witchcraft & potionmaking community but everyone there is just talking about drugs."},
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{"author": "goody2shoe", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "I wanted to write a letter to my congressperson but the app keeps replacing all my words with MEMEMEME like what even is this?"},
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{"author": "greatlyindecent", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Looks like it was made by a five year old so by that metric it's pretty good."},
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{"author": "hothothot", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "For some reason this app turned on my phone's flashlight and wouldn't let me turn it off. Burned a hole in my couch."},
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{"author": "itsyaboidaniel", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "how to get vbucks"},
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{"author": "jamesjoyceismydad", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "The e-book reader seems to be inserting ads in between each paragraph??"},
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{"author": "lassie", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "All the advertisements act like this is the best app ever but actually it kind of sucks. Misleading. Should be removed from the store."},
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{"author": "lisamona", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "I love voussoir.app! It does everything I could want. Painting, cooking, eating, drinking, dancing, singing, living, and even dying. So good!"},
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{"author": "littlenewwave", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Better than tiktok but i guess that's not saying very much"},
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{"author": "michael", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "My parole officer says this is the closest I'm allowed to get to youth."},
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{"author": "mightybonk", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "This app physically broke my screen. If I could give zero stars I would."},
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{"author": "robocop9000", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "this app requires 3.4 GB storage and does what with it? I can't find a single feature at all. It's just pulsating text. Did I get pranked?"},
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{"author": "rodney1925", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "GRANDSON TELLS ME CAPITAL LETTERS ARE IMPOLITE... BUT CANT TURN OFF... OTHERWISE OK"},
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{"author": "shipshopper", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "The search feature is consistently terrible. The 'promoted' items always appear on top even when they don't match my search."},
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{"author": "slayerZ", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "played for 1,497 hours and then got bored. needs better balance and more drops."},
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{"author": "slimshadyy", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "My antivirus reports over 50 trojans, 10 keyloggers, and a whole lot of poor taste."},
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{"author": "smartphonedumbphone", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "I was able to use it but the top notch takes up like half the screen so it was kind of difficult"},
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{"author": "smashmaster", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "I really wanted to love this app, but I think it might be the reason I'm so miserable. As a result I can only give it four stars."},
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{"author": "sometimes_enlightened", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "I have seen the future and it is yellow."},
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{"author": "stingyjimmy", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "I know you're just trying to make a living and all but $87 a month is pretty steep."},
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{"author": "techprowriter", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "Overall nice app. Read my full review at techprowriter.io."},
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{"author": "TheKritik", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "You somehow took everything that's wrong with the world and put it all in one place. In a way, that's incredible."},
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{"author": "timmy5", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "My mom disowned me after I downloaded this app :("},
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{"author": "timmy5mom", "rating": "★★★★★", "text": "Been trying to disown my son for years, but the courts were waiting for some sort of 'final straw'. This was it!! Bahamas here I come! Thanks :)"},
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{"author": "vcmoney", "rating": "★★★★☆", "text": "voussoir.app could very well be the next Facebook! Get in touch with me if you want to increase your growth opportunities and add more telemetry."},
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{"author": "very_smart_guy", "rating": "★★☆☆☆", "text": "pretty sure it's a bitcoin miner."},
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{"author": "wall_eve", "rating": "★☆☆☆☆", "text": "This app crashed my phone so hard I had to microwave the battery to restart it."},
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{"author": "xninjax", "rating": "★★★☆☆", "text": "Never in my life have I had the displeasure of using an app as bad as this one."},
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];
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let REVIEW_INDEX = 0;
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let CURRENT_REVIEW_LENGTH;
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function shuffle_reviews()
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{
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let index = REVIEWS.length;
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while (index > 0)
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{
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const random_index = Math.floor(Math.random() * index);
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index -= 1;
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[REVIEWS[index], REVIEWS[random_index]] = [REVIEWS[random_index], REVIEWS[index]];
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}
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}
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const PREVIOUS_REVIEW = document.getElementById("previous_review");
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const CURRENT_REVIEW = document.getElementById("current_review");
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const UPCOMING_REVIEW = document.getElementById("upcoming_review");
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const UPCOMING2_REVIEW = document.getElementById("upcoming2_review");
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function next_cycle_length()
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{
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return Math.max(CURRENT_REVIEW_LENGTH * 70, 4000);
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}
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function set_review(div, review)
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{
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div.getElementsByClassName("author")[0].innerText = "―" + review.author;
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div.getElementsByClassName("text")[0].innerText = review.text;
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div.getElementsByClassName("rating")[0].innerText = review.rating;
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}
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function set_all_reviews()
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{
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set_review(PREVIOUS_REVIEW, REVIEWS[(REVIEW_INDEX + REVIEWS.length-1) % REVIEWS.length]);
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set_review(CURRENT_REVIEW, REVIEWS[REVIEW_INDEX]);
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CURRENT_REVIEW_LENGTH = REVIEWS[REVIEW_INDEX].text.length;
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set_review(UPCOMING_REVIEW, REVIEWS[(REVIEW_INDEX + 1) % REVIEWS.length]);
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set_review(UPCOMING2_REVIEW, REVIEWS[(REVIEW_INDEX + 2) % REVIEWS.length]);
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REVIEW_INDEX = (REVIEW_INDEX + 1) % REVIEWS.length;
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}
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function slide_out()
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{
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PREVIOUS_REVIEW.classList.add("review_slide");
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CURRENT_REVIEW.classList.add("review_slide");
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UPCOMING_REVIEW.classList.add("review_slide");
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UPCOMING2_REVIEW.classList.add("review_slide");
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setTimeout(slide_end, 550);
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}
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function slide_end()
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{
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set_all_reviews();
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PREVIOUS_REVIEW.classList.remove("review_slide");
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CURRENT_REVIEW.classList.remove("review_slide");
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UPCOMING_REVIEW.classList.remove("review_slide");
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UPCOMING2_REVIEW.classList.remove("review_slide");
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setTimeout(cycle_reviews, next_cycle_length());
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}
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function fade_in()
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{
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PREVIOUS_REVIEW.classList.add("fade_in");
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CURRENT_REVIEW.classList.add("fade_in");
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UPCOMING_REVIEW.classList.add("fade_in");
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UPCOMING2_REVIEW.classList.add("fade_in");
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setTimeout(fade_end, 1050);
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}
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function fade_end()
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{
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PREVIOUS_REVIEW.classList.remove("fade_in");
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CURRENT_REVIEW.classList.remove("fade_in");
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UPCOMING_REVIEW.classList.remove("fade_in");
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UPCOMING2_REVIEW.classList.remove("fade_in");
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}
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function cycle_reviews()
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{
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slide_out();
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}
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function on_pageload()
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{
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shuffle_reviews();
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set_all_reviews();
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fade_in();
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setTimeout(cycle_reviews, next_cycle_length());
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}
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document.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded", on_pageload);
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</script>
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</html>
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@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
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View in app
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===========
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Hi! 👋
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It looks like you're viewing this post in a web browser. Posts from voussoir.net look better and have more features when viewed from our official voussoir.net app! That's because we've intentionally reduced the performance and functionality of the web version, which would otherwise do everything you need! So although you seem to be very content browsing the website, we've decided to cut you off, block your scrolling with this modal, and serve 429s for the remainder of your session. Trust us, this really is for your own good. We just can't stand to see you suffer through this non-optimal voussoir.net experience when you could be using our awesome app instead. Thank us later!
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[Click here to get the app!](/app)
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([No thanks, I hate myself and I don't deserve the best voussoir.net experience!](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=how+to+stop+being+sooooo+lame))
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